Thinking about keeping women in jiu jitsu...

Val Worthington wrote a really uplifting yet realistic and challenging article about focusing on positive ways to integrate men and women in grappling.  She also wrote about the difficulties in feeling a sense of belonging that afflict all new grapplers, male and female, which may contribute to dropout rates. I encourage you to read them. 

Not meaning to beat a dead horse... though I know I often do.  But I have been thinking about a further comment on the Keith Owen thing, made by his wife Shirlane on their blog.  Here's the interaction and I welcome your feedback.  It made me think that often, we blame women for being "girly" and quitting "BJJ" when actually the reasons they express have nothing to do with their gender, and in fact, would take people of any gender out of any athletic endeavor.  Anyway-- what do you think?

(From me)

Shirlane-- I'm curious! How do you explain the apparent contradiction between your academy's inability to retain female BJJ students and the enormous growth of women in BJJ elsewhere? Or do you see a contradiction at all? Thanks! 

Shirlane Owen

Let me go over the list for you of our experience...
One student got pregnant
One student had to have surgery for a bad caesarian
Numerous were tired of being sore all of the time (a couple were black belts in another form)
One had too many responsibilities at home as a mother and wife and had to quit
One female student’s husband did not want her rolling with other men
One had female issues and had to quit
One could not handle the cardio aspect of it
One student got divorced and could not afford it anymore

Do you want me to go on?

This has been OUR experience for 21 years and the blog is so we as adults can share our thoughts and ideas about the subject. It is not to name call, to belittle and degrade the person who wrote the blog as some are doing.
Keith has been polite throughout this whole thing and has not said anything impolite or rude back to anyone. People are actually mad because he is saying “thank you for your comments”

So let’s be adults- not blog bullies as many are being – people can share their opinion without attacking someone’s character.

(and my response:)

I hope you don't think I was being a blog bully in questioning you :) I would absolutely love for you to go on because it is my sincere desire to understand (and possibly to help, if I can.)

What I hear is that you had 7 plus "numerous" women quit BJJ over 21 years. [I assume that you are not including participants in your "Adult Sport Jiu Jitsu" program in these numbers... because I see that one of the instructors there, Kristen, is a black belt in ASJJ (and is thinking about getting a blue belt in BJJ, meaning she is still a whitebelt in BJJ... was she one of those "numerous"?) And there's Alanna, also a blackbelt in "ASJJ"...] How many women started BJJ in your academy's 21 years?

How many men have started training BJJ in those 21 years, and how many of them have quit? and why, if you know?

Of the reasons given by those women for quitting, how many are related to "women not being able to handle BJJ" as opposed to some other athletic activity which cost money?

I assume you would not count pregnancy, surgery, soreness, home/child responsibilities, female issues, lack of fitness, or financial reasons as unique to BJJ-- as all those reasons would/could equally keep a woman out of crossfit, soccer, triathlons, volleyball, swimming, am I correct?

Perhaps the soreness will be said to be unique to BJJ because some of those ladies were already blackbelts in other arts (and should have been used to being sore?) Unless they weren't sore while performing their other arts, in which case we might hypothesize that they didn't practice those arts with real resistance and aliveness? and if they had, might be they'd be more familiar and comfortable with it, and if they weren't then it's not BJJ they can't handle...

So far I'm only looking at one lady who quit because her husband was insecure and she was caving in....

Please help me to understand :)